


By Your Side

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-08 01:29:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10374786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: Barbara and Tommy have moved on with their lives, but they can never stop being friends; and Tommy needs his friend, now more than ever





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended,
> 
> This is the product of a very strange and vivid dream, and inspirational credit must be given to Tricki for 'A Case of Very Poor Timing' and Cats070911 for 'The Heavens Blaze'. However, this fic is original and not a reworking of either of these.

I was up to my elbows in soapy water when the doorbell rang. Drying my hands on a tea towel, I made my way to the front door and opened it.

“Tommy!” I was surprised to see him.

“Barbara. Hi. Sorry to call round unannounced. Can I come in.”

“Of course,” I stepped back and he brushed past me, heading towards the kitchen. I closed the door and followed him, finding him sitting at the breakfast bar.

“Can I get you something? Tea, coffee?”

“No thanks.”

I sat down next to him, studying his face. He looked tired, almost washed out, and I was immediately concerned.

“What’s going on Tommy?”

He smiled grimly at me, “I could never hide anything from you.”

I took his hands in mine, forcing him to give me his full attention. “Talk to me Tommy. We’re friends, you know that you can tell me anything.”

“You’ve always been too good to me; picking me up when I fall, keeping me on the right track.”

I snorted, thinking about all the times Tommy had ignored me and careered off the right path, almost plummeting headlong over a cliff. 

Tommy quirked an eyebrow, “something amusing you Mrs Hurst?”

“You, as always.”

“I’m glad that I can provide you with entertainment.”

“And you are as good as you always were about avoiding the issue. There’s something bothering you, and you obviously need to talk about it, so talk.”

He freed his hands from mine and ran them through his hair. “All those years I tried to drink myself into oblivion have finally caught up with me. I have chronic kidney disease.”

I gasped, my hand flying to cover my mouth. “God Tommy, no.”

“I’m having dialysis, but they say that what I really need is a transplant. I’ve been off the alcohol for over six months, which has raised more than a few eyebrows.”

“Have you told Eve?”

He shook his head, “I’m not with her anymore. Apparently, a teetotal boyfriend who doesn’t want to go out every night is ‘beyond boring’, even if he is the eighth Earl of Asherton.”

“If she couldn’t support you then she didn’t deserve you, but I’m sorry you broke up.”

“I didn’t actually tell her why I wasn’t drinking; I haven’t told anyone else for that matter. You are the first person I have said the words out loud to, except for my doctors, obviously.”

“I’ll be there for you, help you in any way that I can.”

“Will that cause problems between you and Andrew?”

“No, it won’t. He knows that we’re friends, that we have a shared history that he couldn’t even begin to understand; it will be fine.”

I had met Andrew two years previously at the supermarket; we had dated for a year and then married. I hadn’t stopped loving Tommy, and I knew that I never would, but I also knew that I wasn’t what he needed. We were better as friends. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. Are you having treatment in London or Cornwall?”

“London. The estate manager is looking after Howenstow; he calls me if there’s anything he’s not sure about or if there’s anything I need to know.”

Around the same time I had met Andrew, Tommy’s mother had died. He had quit the Met to attend to Howenstow on a full-time basis. Without him there was no reason for me to stay either.

“Tell me what you need me to do?”

“I need my ever-reliable friend. The one who tells me how it is without pulling any punches; who supports me, even when I am a complete idiot. I don’t think I can get through this without you.”

I reached over and squeezed his hand, “you don’t have to.”


	2. Chapter 2

My heart sank as I parked my car behind Andrew’s. I had hoped to be home before he got back, but Tommy’s dialysis appointment had overrun and there had been heavy traffic on the drive back.

As I locked the car and headed towards the house the front door flew open to reveal Andrew, hands on hips, face red with fury.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Out. Have you got a problem with that?” I was getting sick of his attitude; I was his wife not a possession.

“Don’t take that tone with me.”

“Oh, give it a bloody rest! I went out, and I wasn’t here when you came home; is that any reason to air our dirty linen in public?” I shoved him out of the way, storming into the house. He grabbed hold of my arm and twisted it behind my back. I kicked out at him, connecting with his shin, earning a slap round the face for my trouble. He released my arm, and I fell to my knees, cradling my cheek. Andrew had obviously had a liquid lunch again.

Andrew bent over me, shouting in my face, “I can’t stand the bloody sight of you! I’m going to the pub, don’t wait up!”

I waited until I was sure he wasn’t going to return before I got off the floor. This was the first time he had laid his hands on me in anger, normally he just bawled me out before falling asleep on the couch. This time he had gone too far.

I ran up the stairs to the bedroom, pulling a holdall from the top of the wardrobe before filling it with my clothes and toiletries, plus my sentimental items. I took a second bag, filling this one with my personal paperwork; passport, car documentation, bank account information, and my gadgets. Placing the bags by the door, I did another quick trip around the house, making sure that I hadn’t left anything important behind, before removing my engagement and wedding rings. Leaving them and my door keys on the hall table, I walked away from my marriage.

Half an hour later I was standing on the doorstep of Tommy’s house. I knew it was wrong of me, he was going through his own personal hell, he didn’t need mine too, but there was no one else I could turn to and nowhere else I could go. I reached out and rang the doorbell.

The door opened and Tommy stood there in tracksuit bottoms and a sweatshirt. At first he was smiling, but then I saw his eyes narrow, an angry fire flickering in their molten depths.

“What happened to your face Barbara?”

I lowered my head, letting my hair fall over my face, embarrassed. I had been so preoccupied with getting away from Andrew I hadn’t thought to see if his slap had done any lasting damage. Tommy put his arm around my shoulder and led me into his house, pushing the door closed behind us.

He guided me into his lounge room and onto his couch, sitting beside me. One of his hands cupped my chin, lifting my face so that he could examine it. I tried to look away but he wouldn’t let me.

“Who did this Barbara?”

“Andrew.”

“WHAT?”

“Please don’t shout at me Tommy, I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime.”

He took me into his arms, holding me close. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

I shook my head, “not right now. I apologise for dragging you into my drama.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Barbara, I would have been offended if you hadn’t come to me. Do we need to go back to your house and collect anything?”

I shook my head again, “I grabbed everything I wanted when I left, it’s all in the car. Would it be okay to stay with you for a while? It’s wrong of me to ask, what with everything you’re going through, but I didn’t know…”

Tommy interrupted me. “Of course you can stay with me, for as long as you need to. Now, have you eaten?”

“I haven’t had a chance.”

“Shall I order a takeaway while you retrieve your bags and get settled in my spare room?”

“That would be nice.”

“What do you fancy; Chinese, Italian, Indian?”

“I’m not all that hungry, you choose.”

“I’ll get pizza.”

He stood, walking over to bureau next to the fireplace. Fishing around in a drawer, he retrieved a key, holding it out to me. “It’s for the front door, treat this place as your home.”

“Thank you for doing this Tommy; you’ve got so much going on in your life and now I have added to it.”

His lips tenderly brushed my forehead. “We’re friends, and friends are there for each other. You’re helping me, let me do this for you in return.”


	3. Chapter 3

I put my plate down on the coffee table, stretching my arms above my head and rolling my neck, working out the kinks.

“Do you feel like talking yet?”

“You don’t want to listen to me moan.”

“Barbara, stop. It isn’t moaning. Did you tell me that I was moaning when I came to see you the other day?”

“Of course not, but that’s completely different.”

“No, it isn’t. Your marriage didn’t implode overnight, things must have been wrong before today. If you want to talk then I am more than willing to listen.”

I rested my elbows on my knees, my head in my hands. “I should never have married him, it was the biggest mistake of my life.”

“If I ask you a question, will you bite my head off?”

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, “I’ve just stuffed my face with pizza, I don’t think there’s room for your head.”

He smiled, the smile he always saved for me, “I’ll take the risk.”

I smiled back, “ask away then.”

“Why did you marry Andrew?”

I laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “I was asking myself that question at the registry office.”

“I don’t understand?”

“Andrew was different, kind, light-hearted, or at least he was when we first met, but when we got engaged he changed. It was as if, once he put that ring on my finger, I became his property. He liked me to behave in a certain way, and if I didn’t then he made sure to tell me how disappointed he was.”

“So why did you go ahead with the marriage?”

“Because that was all I was worth, or I believed it was. Until today he had never hit me; I guess he had drunk more than usual.”

“You’re worth more, you’ve always been worth more. I wish you had come to me, I would have helped you, I will always help you.”

“That was part of the problem; I couldn’t face coming to you.”

Tommy slid onto his knees in front of me, stroking my hair back so that he could look me in the eyes. “I wouldn’t have thought badly of you.”

“It wasn’t that, it was never about that.”

“Then explain it to me, I want to understand.”

I reached out with a trembling hand and touched his face, “I am in love with you, I have been for years, but I knew that I wasn’t what you needed in a partner, so I kept my feelings locked away.”

“And married Andrew?”

“And married Andrew.”

“You should have said something to me Barbara, we should have talked about it.”

“Why? I’ve seen the woman you date, and I am nothing like Deborah, or Helen, or Christine, or Julia, or Eve.”

“And how many of them are still in my life; Helen and Julia not included in that question for obvious reasons? Barbara, you are the only person I’ve had a successful relationship with, the only person it would kill me to lose.”

“What are you saying?”

“I love you; probably for as long as you have loved me by the sound of things.”

“You have? Then why…”

“Because I didn’t think you loved me the way that I loved you. I told you, you are the only person it would kill me to lose, so I accepted you marrying Andrew even though it broke my heart.”

Tommy’s arms went around me, holding me close. I lay my head on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck.

“I’m sorry I broke your heart.”

“You could always make it up to me.”

I smiled against his skin, “oh I could, could I? And how would I do that?”

“Come to bed with me and I’ll explain everything.”

“Now there’s an offer a girl would be crazy to refuse.”

“And you’ve never struck me as being crazy.”

“You say the sweetest things.”

“Only to you.”


	4. Chapter 4

I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling, Tommy fast asleep next to me. We had spent most of the night alternating between talking, making love, and sneaking in the odd cat nap.

I was happy, truly happy, and I had found my happiness in Tommy Lynley’s arms, somewhere I had never thought I would be, and I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. Because of that, I had come to a decision, but I wasn’t sure how Tommy would react. I hoped that he would accept what I wanted to do; if not I hoped that I could convince him.

I rolled onto my side, my breasts pressed up against his back. Sliding an arm around his waist, I drifted off to sleep.

The next time I woke I was alone. I stretched my arm out across the empty space beside me; it was still warm, so Tommy couldn’t have been up for long. The door to the en-suite opened and Tommy appeared, crossing the room, climbing under the duvet and wrapping his arms around me.

“Good morning sleepy.” His lips tenderly brushed mine.

“Morning.”

“What do you want to do today?”

“Is staying in bed an option?”

Tommy laughed heartily, “so it’s not only your appetite for food that is healthy?”

I rolled him onto his back and straddled his lap, pinning his arms above his head, “I didn’t hear you complaining last night.”

“You wouldn’t have. The woman I love is finally in my arms and in my bed; nothing there to complain about.”

“Flatterer!”

“I mean each and every word.”

“Before we get all mushy and carried away, I need to talk to you about something.”

“That sounds serious.”

“It is, but not in a bad way.” I released his arms and went to climb off him, but he held my hips, effectively keeping me in place.

“We can still have a serious conversation with you on top of me, it will help me focus.”

“Right; of course it will.”

“Trust me.”

The lascivious grin on his face didn’t make me believe him. It didn’t say trust me, jump me maybe, but definitely not trust me. Ignoring my instincts, I ploughed on. “I’ve been thinking, about you needing a kidney, and I want to be tested to see if I can be a living donor for you.”

The lascivious grin was wiped away by disbelief. “Barbara, that’s… are you sure?”

“I’m positive, and I was going to offer before my marriage imploded and we got together. I know the likelihood of me being compatible is low, but I can’t sit by and do nothing. Let me get tested Tommy, I want to do this for you.”

“I, I don’t know what to say.”

“The word you are looking for is yes.”

“Yes, if you are really sure then my answer is yes.”

“I am really sure. Now, shall we get all mushy and carried away?”

He winked at me, “if you insist!”

~*~

When I had unpacked my stuff in Tommy’s spare room, I had turned off my mobile phone and shoved it in a drawer; not ready to deal with round two of Andrew in a drunken rage. I wasn’t sure I was any readier now. I would have to at some point, but hopefully through a solicitor as I didn’t feel safe around him. I was relieved that he had no idea where Tommy lived, the last thing I needed was Andrew turning up on his doorstep shouting the odds; hardly the done thing in Belgravia!

I turned on my phone, dreading what might be waiting for me, but at the same time realising that it would only be words. Now I had Tommy’s love, words could do little to hurt me.

As I had expected, there were texts and voicemails; each one more vitriolic than the first. It didn’t appear that he had noticed that I had actually left him, perhaps he hadn’t discovered the keys and my rings when he had stumbled back from the pub, not that I cared; I was done with Andrew, he was just going to have to learn to accept that.

After reading and listening to the messages; which began with him ordering me to phone him immediately and ended with him calling me every derogatory name under the sun, starting at bitch and ending at whore, I found it incredible that I had put up with him and the way he treated me for so long. The old me, Sergeant Barbara Havers, would never have put up with his shit.

I saved the voicemails and texts, before turning the phone off again, returning it to the drawer. I would talk to Tommy about finding a solicitor, I wanted to start divorce proceedings as soon as I could. I hoped that it would be quick and easy; I didn’t want anything from the marriage, I just wanted it to be over.


	5. Chapter 5

I was waiting for the results of the blood tests that were part of my pre-donation screening. I had been to the hospital a couple of weeks earlier, and the waiting was driving me up the wall. I understood that everything had to be checked and double checked, there was no way that I would want to put Tommy’s life at risk, but it was three months since I had first told him of my intentions and it felt as if we were no further forward today than we had been then.

There was also another situation causing me stress. Andrew had reported me to the police as a missing person. Because Tommy and I were well known to the Met, the officers had come straight to him to see if he had heard from me. Once I had explained what had happened, why I had left, and that I didn’t want Andrew to have any idea where I was or who I was with, they had gone away, only telling him that I was safe. Tommy and I had then arranged for his solicitor to begin divorce proceedings, unsurprisingly Andrew had decided to fight me all the way. I felt as if I wasn’t in control of anything, and I hated it.

I was staring out of the lounge room window, completely lost in through, when two arms slid around me and Tommy hugged me to his chest.

“You okay?”

I brought my hands up to clasp his, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Just thinking.”

“Should I be concerned?”

“No. It’s very sweet of you to worry about me Tommy, but I’m doing okay. You are the one we should be worrying about.”

“I’m doing fine at the moment; the dialysis is keeping on top of things. My doctors still think that a transplant is the best thing, but there is no great urgency for the time being. If there was anything different, any change, I promise I would tell you.”

I closed my eyes, breathing in his familiar and comforting scent. “It’s just that sometimes I feel as if I have made your life more complicated. You are dealing with enough as it is without me and my alcoholic hopefully soon to be ex-husband.”

“As I told you before, and as I will keep telling you until you believe me, I would have been offended if you hadn’t come to me for help. I love you Barbara, and I will be there for you so please stop worrying.”

“I love you too Tommy, and I am grateful, I really am. I won’t ever stop worrying about you, but I promise that I will listen to you and trust you to tell me the truth.”

He nuzzled my neck, “I guess I can accept that. Now, shall we have some lunch, or shall we head back upstairs?”

“Hmmm, I am hungry, I’m just not sure what for.”

Tommy’s lips moved to behind my ear, licking, kissing and sucking on my sensitive skin. “Is this helping you make up your mind?”

I let out a low moan, “somewhat. I might need some more persuasion though.”

His fingers slid down my chest, unbuttoning my top, allowing him access to my lace covered breasts.

“Still need some help?” I shuddered with pleasure, shaking my head as words failed me. He took hold of my hand, heading towards the stairs. “Good. Follow me.”

We were in the throes of passion when the phone started ringing.

“Ignore… it…” I gasped, nipping at his shoulder while his talented fingers drove me to distraction.

“And there I was, planning to drop everything, and answer it.”

“Over. My. Dead. Body.”

“I’d rather, it wasn’t.”

“Less talk, more action.”

As we became lost in each other again the answerphone kicked in downstairs.

I slipped on Tommy’s shirt, heading downstairs to make us both a coffee. I saw the light on the answerphone flashing and hit play.

_Ms Havers, it’s the hospital, we have your blood test results. If you could please call us at your earliest convenience…_

I rummaged through the papers on Tommy’s desk, finding a letter from the hospital; snatching up the phone I dialled the number, waiting for someone to answer at the other end.

“Oh hello, it’s Ms Havers, Barbara Havers. Someone called and left a message on our answerphone saying they had my blood test results.”

By the time I got off the phone the coffees were forgotten.

“What happened to my coffee… what’s wrong Barbara?”

Tommy hurried to my side, kneeling in front of me.

“The phone call, it was the hospital, they had my blood test results.”

“Was it bad news? If you can’t donate a kidney it doesn’t matter, it was a long shot anyway.”

“It wasn’t bad news, but I can’t donate.”

“I don’t understand Barbara. Tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“You are? But that’s wonderful.”

I looked him in the eye, “you’re happy?”

“Of course I am. Are you?”

“Yes, yes I am. It is yours Tommy, I promise you. Andrew and I hadn’t slept together for months, most of the time he was too drunk.”

He ran his hand up and down my arm, comforting me, “I never thought otherwise. This is brilliant news Barbara; we’re going to have a baby.”

I captured his hand with mine, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles, “yes, we are.”

“This is the best news. I am glad that you can’t donate if we can have a child together instead.”

“You don’t think I’ve let you down or trapped you? I mean, we didn’t discuss children and this baby wasn’t planned.”

“Listen to me Barbara, the baby may not have been planned, but I am thrilled and delighted. You haven’t trapped me. This is no way the same as it was between me and Helen. I want this, I want you, I want our baby.”


	6. Chapter 6

Because of the pregnancy, Tommy and I had decided that we needed to tell his family everything that was going on. He had been loath to mention that he needed a kidney transplant, but finally agreed that we had to be completely honest. Judith and Peter had both volunteered to be tested and, although it had taken months for the medical tests and assessments to be completed, it had turned out that Judith was a match. 

I was on my way to collect Tommy from the hospital. It had been a long two weeks since he had undergone the transplant surgery; and everything was looking positive. He had to take immunosuppressant drugs, and he would need to be monitored for the rest of his life, but now, because of Judith’s generosity, that life would hopefully be long and healthy.

I parked the Bristol as close to the entrance of the private wing of the hospital as possible, not wanting Tommy to have to trek too far as the weather wasn’t particularly pleasant, and then hurried inside. 

As I entered Tommy’s room I could see him sitting in the chair by his bed. Although he was fully dressed and his holdall was packed and ready, he was dozing peacefully. I smiled; I didn’t want to wake him, but I knew that he was as keen to get home as I was to have him there. 

I reached out, resting my hand on his arm, “Tommy, it’s time to go home.”

He blinked sleepily, reminding me of a mole emerging into daylight. “Barbara?”

“Yes, it’s me. Sorry if you were expecting someone else?”

He covered my hand with his, gently squeezing my fingers. “No, definitely not.”

“Do we need to speak to your doctors before we go?”

“Again no, I have been given my instructions, had my prescriptions filled, and signed all the paperwork that needed to be signed; all that is left is for me to whistle the theme to The Great Escape as you get me out of here.”

I roared with laughter, pleased to see his sense of humour was intact.

“I hope you’ll be happy to use the main entrance because there’s no way me and the bump are going to fit down any escape tunnels you may have dug out using a hospital issue teaspoon.”

His arms slid around me, his hands resting on my swollen stomach, “is there a right answer to that question?”

I kissed his chin, “there is, and it is yes dear.”

He nuzzled my neck, “yes dear. Now, can we get out of here before I give in to my urge and throw you down on this hospital bed?”

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t pull away from him. “I thought I’d covered that at the beginning of this conversation.”

“Yes dear, now take me home, we’ve got two weeks to make up for.”

~*~

I was cradled in Tommy’s embrace, my head pillowed on his chest, him tracing a finger up and down my arm. Despite his bravado at the hospital, we hadn’t made love, choosing instead to lie skin against skin, kissing and holding each other. I didn’t mind, he was still recovering from major surgery, and at times I felt like a beached whale with stretch marks; we knew that we loved each other, we didn’t have to get hot and sweaty to prove it!

“While I was flat on my back in the hospital I did some thinking, and I have had a little idea that I would like to discuss with you; I would really value your input.”

“Sounds ominous.”

The tracing finger transformed into a playful slap.

“Ouch!”

“You deserved that. Anyway, my idea, I want us to get married.”

I propped myself up on my elbow, looking down at his soulful brown eyes for any hint of teasing; there was none, all I could see was sincerity and love. 

“You want to marry me?” I could hear the disbelief in my voice and hoped that he wouldn’t be offended.

“As soon as your divorce comes through. If I could marry you this afternoon, then I would.”

I could feel tears beginning to pool in my eyes as my emotions overwhelmed me. Tommy reached out and cradled my face.

“Is the thought of being married to me so terrible?”

“No Tommy, no; it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“In all the years I’ve been in love with you, I never once thought I’d hear you say those words. It’s as if you have looked into my very soul and uncovered all of the secrets I’ve kept hidden there. It’s a little overwhelming.”

“But not repulsive?”

“Anything but. I love you so much Tommy; I would be honoured to be your wife, however long it takes.” I leaned forward and kissed him. “In case I didn’t make it clear, that was a yes.”


	7. Chapter 7

Tommy took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine, his thumb stroking my skin gently. I looked up at him and smiled nervously. His grip on my hand tightened reassuringly.

“I’m here Barbara, I’m not going anywhere.”

I sighed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, trying to centre myself.

“I won’t let anything happen to you.”

I opened my eyes, focussing on his beloved face. “I know, sorry, I’m just apprehensive.”

“You don’t need to apologise Barbara. I understand that this is daunting for you; it’s the first time you and Andrew have set eyes on each other since the night he hit you, and if there was any way that I could prevent you having to go through this then I would.”

I took another deep breath, trying to stop my body from shaking.

“If he even turns up! I want this to be done. I am sick of the ghost of my marriage looming over our life together. I know how much you love me, and that a piece of paper won’t change that, but I want to be your wife, not his. I wish that he would just sign the papers and then leave me the hell alone!”

Tommy tugged me into a small alcove in the stairwell of the court building and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his shirt, his calming scent enveloping me, my arms sliding around his waist, my hands sliding under his jacket and shirt to stroke his back.

“We’re nearly there Barbara, just keep believing in us. You gave me your strength, now use mine.”

I nodded against him before gently moving away from his embrace, straightening my clothes while he tucked his shirt back into his trousers and then offered me his hand. I took it willingly, our fingers lacing together again, bolstering and reassuring me.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

We climbed the final few stairs to the court lobby. Following Tommy, who still held my hand firmly in his, we made ourselves known to the court usher, and then took a seat in the waiting area.

“Well look what the cat dragged in. Should’ve known you’d go running to lover boy.”

My nerves returned, adrenalin flooding my body, but I forced myself to present an air of calm; I didn’t want Andrew to see how much he still could affect me.

He stood in front of us, looking at me with disgust. “You’re pregnant. Is it mine?”

“For that to be possible we would have had to be having sex.” I was surprised at how steady my voice was.

He turned, looking Tommy in the eye, trying to stare him down. To his credit, Tommy didn’t react, although I could feel how tense he was.

“Hope you know what you’ve let yourself in for mate; once a slut, always a slut. I’d bet money on the kid not being yours, you’re just the mug she convinced.”

I saw his jaw twitch in anger, and I knew what it was costing him to keep a lid on his temper. He had always defended me; even when he had been involved with Helen, his loyalty had been to me, and I loved him for it. I tightened my grip on his hand.

“I would be grateful if you didn’t refer to Barbara in that manner.”

Andrew mimicked him, “I would be grateful if you didn’t refer to Barbara in that manner. That’s one bloody large plum you’ve got stuck in your gob mate; I wouldn’t have thought that Barbara was your type, unless of course you like roughing it.”

Andrew was loud, and his performance was drawing people’s attention. I was embarrassed, hating that Tommy was being exposed to his vile personality. I noticed the court security guard approaching and offered up a silent prayer of thanks.

“Excuse me sir, could I ask you to go and take a seat on the other side of the room and to leave these people alone.”

“People? I don’t see any people; just my whore of a wife and her toffee-nosed git bit on the side.”

“I won’t ask you again sir. Either you take a seat on the other side of the room or I will remove you forcibly.”

Andrew held his hands up in a mocking parody of surrender. “Okay, I’m going. She’s no fun if she’s not flinching anyway.” Stuffing his hands deep in his pockets, he casually strolled away, the security guard following him at a distance.

I let out a breath I hadn’t realised I was holding before resting my head on his shoulder. I was relieved to feel his tension subside, and he leant his head atop of mine.

“I’m sorry for the way he spoke to you; he’s probably been drinking.”

“That animal’s behaviour is not your responsibility Barbara, so you shouldn’t make apologies on his behalf.”

“I know, I know, I guess I’m just embarrassed.”

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about either. You seem to forget, we’ve known each other forever; I know who you are, the real you, and there is nothing true in anything he said.”

“I do love you Tommy; don’t deserve you, but I do love you.”

“You do deserve me, you always have done; I was the idiot who couldn’t see what was right under his nose.”

"You got there in the end.”

“That I did.”

~*~

Andrew had continued with his belligerent behaviour, fighting the application for the decree nisi. I had made it clear that I didn’t want anything from him, I just wanted to be free but he had refused to sign any paperwork, to attend mediation, he had even failed to come to the court hearing when the judge was supposed to help us to come to an agreement. I was shocked that he had shown up this time. Luckily the judge saw him for what he was and granted my application. Now I had to wait six weeks and a day for my degree absolute, but somehow, I didn’t think it would be that simple.

As the tears I had been fighting finally came I rolled onto my left side and buried my face in my pillow, feeling stupid and weak. I hoped that Tommy wouldn’t hear me, I was tired of falling apart in front of him, of being needy and weak. It wasn’t fair that he had to keep picking up the pieces, not when he was still recovering from his surgery. I needed to grow up and get over this latest setback on my own.


	8. Chapter 8

I heard Tommy coming up the stairs and so I slipped out of bed and ducked into the en-suite, locking the door behind me. I braced myself on the vanity unit. In the mirror, haunted eyes, ringed with black, red from crying, stared back at me. As I ran a basin full of cold water Tommy knocked on the door.

“Supper’s ready Barbara.”

"Give me five minutes, I’ll meet you downstairs.”

There was a pause before he replied, and I held my breath.

“Okay, don’t be too long or it’ll get cold.”

“I won’t.”

I soaked a flannel in the cold water, before wringing it out and resting it across my eyes. I didn’t think that I was going to fool Tommy, but I had to try.

I repeated the action a couple more times, before splashing my face with the water and then patting it dry with a towel. I still looked dreadful, but my eyes weren’t as red. Unlocking the door, I made my way through the bedroom and down the stairs to the kitchen. As I entered the room Tommy glanced up, his glance turning into a puzzled stare.

“Are you okay Barbara?”

“Just tired, I couldn’t get off to sleep.”

The puzzled stare became a look of concern and he moved to my side, putting his arm around my shoulder, hugging me to his side. “You don’t need to rebuild your defences Barbara. Talk to me; please don’t shut me out.”

I allowed him to walk me over to the kitchen table and settle me into one of the chairs around it. He crouched down beside me, hooking his finger under my chin to make me look at him.

“Talk. And I want the truth please, not what you think I want or need to hear.”

“Seeing Andrew today really shook me up, but it also made me feel guilty and embarrassed. I was the idiot who married him, and because of that mistake he is now shitting on your doorstep. Because we’re together he’s putting you through a whole heap of problems and stress that aren’t yours to handle. You are still recovering from major surgery, you don’t need this.”

“You’ve always tried to handle everything on your own, even when you don’t need to. You’ve been like that since the day I met you, trying to look after your parents singlehandedly, not letting me report Tony Phillips for insulting you, trying to deal with your post-traumatic stress after you were shot. There are no prizes for being a hero Barbara, and it doesn’t make you weak if you need to ask someone for help. Yes, your delightful husband is doing his best to make things difficult, but he’s got a shock coming. He’s been so used to getting his own way, now he’s going to have to get used to things going against him. He doesn’t scare me Barbara, and he shouldn’t scare you. I told you today, I’m not going anywhere. I am here, standing by your side, just as you are standing by mine. We are a team, always have been and always will be. Okay?”

I smiled at him, marvelling how he could see straight through any front I tried to put up, how he always seemed to know the right things to say, how he loved me, no matter what.

“Okay. Thank you Tommy.”

“What for?”

“For loving me, even when I am being a complete idiot.”

“I’ve been an idiot too, and it never stopped you loving me.”

“I guess that makes us quits. Now, did you say something about supper?”

“Ah, now you’re getting your priorities straight. Stay exactly where you are and supper will be served shortly.”

“Any chance of it being served by my very own butler in the buff?”

Tommy turned to me from the cooker and grinned wickedly. “Not a chance in hell.”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Spoilsport.”

“Charming! You wouldn’t be saying that if a certain part of me got maimed in the process.”

“You’re right, I’d hate for him to get injured. I like it when he comes… out to play.”

Tommy put the plates on the table and then sat down next to me, “Barbara! Really!”

“Barbara! Really! What? Not dignified behaviour for a future countess?”

He shook his head, fighting a grin. “Life’s never going to be boring with you, is it?”

“You’d hate it if it was. Now, be a good earl and eat your supper.”

“Yes dear.”

I waved my fork at him, “you’ll keep.”

“Promises, promises.”

“Wait and see.”

After supper, we had loaded the dishwasher and then retired to bed, making slow and passionate love, reaffirming our connection. Now sated, we lay in each other’s arms.

“I’m sorry about earlier Tommy.”

“I’m going to ban that word from your vocabulary! You’ve done nothing but apologise to me all day, and you’ve had nothing to apologise for on any of those occasions.”

“I can’t help the way I feel.”

“I know you can’t, but you need to realise that you are not responsible for everything that goes wrong. The way Andrew behaved, that was nothing to do with you. Feeling apprehensive about seeing him again, that was perfectly normal. Instead of shouldering the blame you should talk to me. Nothing is insurmountable if we face it together; haven’t we proved that often enough?”

“We have.”

“So, will you promise me that any time things are getting on top of you, you will talk to me and we will work through whatever it is together?”

“I promise to try.”

“From you that’s the equivalent of a cast iron guarantee; I’ll take it.”


	9. Chapter 9

Tommy sat on the edge of my bed, his face a picture of wonderment.

“He’s gorgeous Barbara.”

“With your genes, he couldn’t be anything else.”

“He’s half of you too, which makes him perfect in my eyes.”

“He is perfect, but we can’t keep referring to our son as he, we need to name him. We both agreed on Samuel for a boy, didn’t we?”

“I think that was about the only name we did agree on, if we’d had a girl we’d have to resort to arm wrestling!”

“Pardon the pun, but even after a twelve-hour labour I’d win that hands down!”

“I shall be eternally thankful that my reputation and masculinity will remain intact.” Tommy leant forward and stroked his son’s face with the back of his index finger. “Hello Samuel Thomas Lynley, we’re your mummy and daddy, and we love you very much.”

“Are you going to call your family?”

“I thought I’d wait until I got you both home and settled. Mother will be on the road to see us before we end the call. These first few days, I want them to be just about us, our family, there’ll be plenty of time for Mother, Judith, Stephanie and Peter to visit later on.”

“We should be able to get out of here in a couple of hours, and I can hardly wait. I know it is posher than an NHS maternity unit but it’s still a bloody hospital, and you and I have spent far too much time in them over the years for my liking.”

“You’ll get no disagreement from me.”

~*~

I slid under the duvet next to Tommy, my head falling back onto the soft and welcoming pillows.

“At last! There is nothing quite like your own bed.” My voice was a whisper, not wanting to wake Samuel who was finally fast asleep in his crib.

Tommy rolled onto his side, facing me. “I meant to say this earlier, and I hope you will forgive me for not doing so. Thank you for giving us our beautiful son. I hated seeing you in so much pain when you were in labour, I hated that I couldn’t do anything to make it easier for you. What you went through, even if it were physically possible I couldn’t do that, I’m not that brave. You are amazing and I love you.”

I felt myself well up, his declaration going straight to my heart. I wanted to thank him, to tell him that I would do it all again in a heartbeat, but I couldn’t find the words. Instead I turned to face him, brushing his lips with mine, before resting my forehead against his.

“When I came to see you that day, I never imagined that my life would turn out like this. I regret the hell you went through with Andrew, but I will never regret that we ended up together. We’re engaged, when your decree absolute comes through we will be married, and we have Samuel, our perfect baby boy. What we have together, it’s special. We’re a family Barbara, and I have never been happier.”


End file.
